One more thing
by Sara Sidle Grissom
Summary: One-shot post 8x11 Zugzwang. Reid finds there is one more thing he needs to do before he can find closure. Reid-centered. Complete.


**One more thing**

_A/N: I have only written once CM fanfic before, and nothing Reid-centric, so this was pretty tough. I just felt there was something I needed to do with this. I do have other ideas about a certain team-member being there for him eventually, but for now I feel this should be a stand-alone, not the start of something else. Unless, of course, you feel like it could/should be. Let me know what you think!_

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Five days. Ten hours. Ninety-three minutes. Forty-six seconds. Forty-seven seconds… That's how long it has been since my heart broke. I know it's impossible for a heart to literally break into millions of pieces, but after that horrific night I finally understand the meaning behind the sentiment. It feels as though a part of me was taken that night and I don't think there is even the possibility of me ever getting it back. My love, given to a woman who, in retrospect, was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

I slowly got off my couch and shuffled to the kitchen. My hair was tousled and I hadn't slept, nor showered, in a few days. They'd cleaned me up a little bit at the hospital after treating my bullet wound, but ever since then I just haven't had the energy.

I poured my coffee into the same mug I had been using ever since I got home. Morgan was the one to pick me up at the hospital. He brought me home, in silence, which coming to think of it is something very rare. At that moment I didn't notice, I didn't care, I wouldn't have heard him anyway. He took the keys from my trembling hands as I tried to open the front door. He led me inside, sat me down on the couch and made me coffee. He knew that the only thing on my mind was her. Her face. How she had shot me a look of understanding when I tried to trick Diana. She was perfect. And Diana, I detested her, even more so for sharing the name of one of the women so important in my life.

Morgan left after exactly three fours en twenty-five minutes. I'd told him to go home, told him I didn't want to talk and told him I wouldn't be coming into work for a while. He'd given me a hug, which I hadn't returned and went on his way. Now, three days later, I was starting to crave the company. I needed to talk about her, needed to share our conversations, our letters. My friends had already read all of our communications; I needed someone else, someone that knew her best.

My hand went to the phone and I realized I didn't have the number. Instead I called Garcia, told her what I needed and that I was okay. The latter was actually a lie, but she understood. For a moment I wondered if I was doing the right thing, but when I heard the dial tone I remembered I didn't have another choice.

"Mrs Donovan… hi… This is Spencer Reid, you might not know… yes, that's me. I was wondering if maybe… we could talk," I said, unsure of my voice and uncertain about my motives. Did I want to make this situation even harder on myself, by being around people that loved her as much as I did? Would I want to see pictures of her, smiling, in happier times?

Mrs Donovan told me she wanted me to come by, she wanted to talk about her daughter and meet the man that she'd, apparently, talked about many times before. I took a quick shower, dressed up and checked my mirror image. The dark circles under my eyes were even more present than usual and my eyes were still bloodshot, even though I'd run out of tears.

The drive to her parent's house was short, it barely even gave me time to think about what I was going to tell them and what they were going to tell me. I got out of the car, straightened my shirt and tie as well as I could with the sling and checked my hair once more in the side mirror of the car.

I knocked on the door gently and waited until I saw her mother open the door. When I'd first seen her parents I had imagined Maeve's face, just by combining theirs. I wasn't that far of the mark. And now… looking her mother in the eyes, I saw Maeve. I could feel my eyes fill up with tears and looked down at my feet. Mrs Donovan pulled me in her arms as we cried together, grieving our loss.

She offered me tea and told me to sit down. I looked around and did just as she told me to. Somehow this place reminded me of her, even though I hadn't been here before, or to her place. A large picture frame holding Maeve's picture stood on the sideboard. It was probably the one they had used at the funeral. I should have been at the funeral, but I knew that I would be breaking down and taking the attention away from the woman whom it was all about.

When Mrs Donovan came back with the tea, her husband entered the room. I stood up to shake his hand and sat back down. "Mr and Mrs Donovan," I started, not sure what I was going to tell them. "I'm not sure if you know exactly who I am, but…"

Mrs Donovan held up her hand, "We know a lot about you Dr Reid, Maeve told us how much she appreciated your communications. She…," she paused, not being able to continue for a minute. "She said she'd fallen in love with you, even though she had never seen your face."

I choked, "I loved her too… I… I wish I'd gotten the chance to tell her."

"She knew you did, I'm sure of that," Mrs Donovan smiled as she told me all about her daughter. I couldn't do anything but listen intently. I looked at the pictures she showed me, glad that those eyes would be locked inside my thoughts forever.

After a few hours Mrs Donovan walked me out and thanked me for sharing my communications with her daughter. "I appreciate it Dr Reid, thank you," she said and gave me a tight hug.

I hugged her back tightly, and for a few minutes, I felt how it would've been to have Maeve and to have a family with her and that was enough. That was all I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel loved.


End file.
